Being introverted and having extreme social anxiety, I am
often confused by the nuances of social interaction. I often require a lot of contemplation before
I realize if someone is being snide, thoughtful, sarcastic, funny, or
mean.
If I am secure enough in being justly confused, I’ve learned to be very
honest about that confusion.
This helps me from being very resentful later and assuming
that whoever I was talking to MUST have been making fun of me.
Other times, I am unsure as to whether I am confused, and I
stare blankly, unable to formulate a response.
This inability to interact with others in any sort of natural way has
greatly prohibited me in formulating friendships. Basically, my awkwardness is so great that
people tend to *get* that they shouldn’t try small talk with me.
That said, I’ve still somehow managed to form small little pockets
of friends and acquaintances. One thing
that is new to me is friendships with women.
This means I now have entirely new areas of social interaction to
be utterly confused over.
I’ve probably mentioned in the past that I have body
issues. No matter what my size, it is
very difficult for me to not see someone grotesquely fat in the mirror.
Well, I recently went to lunch with some of
my work friends. We hadn’t seen each
other since school let out two months ago.
About five minutes into conversation, one of the ladies tells me
I’ve gotten very skinny over the summer.
Logically, I knew I had not lost any weight since they’d seen me
last, but what a great word!
Then another woman chimed in saying, “Yeah, I
hated you for a minute when I walked in... :D.”
And it was just then that I saw a flash in her eyes that told me
She
Was
NOT
Kidding…
How do I process that? Then I remembered there was no need to panic. I’ve seen this kind of thing on TV before,
and I was pretty sure this was how women showed they liked each
other.
Pretty sure…
So I took it as a natural girl thing. This is how we women communicate
with each other. I gave an awkward
smile, and, not wanting to come off as egotistical, I decided the logical
course of action was to clear up the confusion.
Then there would be no secret hatred.
And I would not be getting all this attention. (Did I mention I have yet to learn how to
take a compliment?)
I informed them I had not lost weight since they last
saw me, and I even gained a little bit.
It was obviously my great new shirt, which, in all of its super-cuteness
glory, made me look skinnier. No, they
corrected me. I was wrong. They said my arms looked skinnier, so I
pulled up my sleeve and showed them my arm had indeed not become
skinnier. They informed me I was wrong
again.
Not wanting to be like one of those stupid skinny girls who
walk around all skinny and obnoxious and seeking praise by telling everyone how
fat they are so everyone else is forced to compliment them…
I decided to do the
unthinkable.
Now, I am not really sure why in my head this seemed like
the right course of action, but I then became certain that if I collected the
strength and courage to tell them my real weight, all this awkward, odd
compliment-ness would come to an end and I would be out of this hole I dug
myself into of trying to convince these women I did not become skinny.
So I said it…
This did not help me.
They then mocked my courage, and laughed about how yeah, sure, they
all weigh that amount too (insinuating they definitely did not weigh that amount).
I am thinking, in the future, the right response might just
be, “Thank You, and I love your hair!”
Perhaps I need to watch some more TV to help me
prepare.
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