Nice Guy Myths Part II: (Dude, Seriously, It Might be You)

Myth #3: Falling in Love Often- Means the Same thing as Loving Deeply… Because I’m Such a Nice Guy

If you walk into each new dating situation believing you may have found the future mother (or father) of your children, then you probably don’t even notice the actual woman (or man) who is in front of you… who she is, what she likes, her quirks, or her passions.   

It is likely you are so focused on finding "A" woman to fit into your future that you wouldn’t know the right woman if she smacked you upside the head. 

If you find your heart is being broken every other week, then it is likely you are giving your heart away with waaaaaay too much ease, and possibly for no greater reason than “Ug... you woman (or man).  You complete me.”

You don’t meet a person once a month who is worthy of receiving your pin number or computer password, so why give over something as precious as your heart to every cute person who says yes within a couple weeks’ time?

 

If your love life looks like this, then being “too nice” is not your problem.

 

1 Day Later

 

 

5 Days Later

 

 

3.5 Days Later

 

 

The Next Day...

 

 

The Next, Next Day...

 

 

One Week Later

 

 

If this level of love desperation is occurring in your life, then it is likely that the woman (or man) in your life knows… and your presence smells like that of a wounded zebra slowly dangling behind the herd.  We can smell it, and our primal instincts are telling us to promptly look at that tree over there with that neat leaf that turned orange even though we are still a month away from Autumn and pretend we don't see you.

 We know the buzzards are circling, and we have no interest to be generic woman #22 who said yes. 

 

We want to be the woman you WANTED to say yes.

Oh yeah, and being nice is not synonymous with being a stalker.

Seriously.

In Conclusion:

This isn’t to say don’t take chances, don’t give your heart away, or that you should immediately harden your heart and make the *&%$#$#  EARN that  %$#$@!  It is saying to have some discernment.  Maybe discover if you actually like the person (you know, for WHO they are instead for simply being in front of you) before you start crossing over into the land of the L-word. 

 

And please... talk to the person before updating your Facebook status. 

You're Welcome.

Nice Guy Myths Part I: (Maybe it's You)

I’ve heard a lot from self-proclaimed “nice guys” about how their relationships don’t work BECAUSE they are nice guys.  They decided girls are self-loathing, evil people who only want guys who treat them like dirt.  

 

While these girls (and guys) do exist, it is my belief they are the minority. Though, don’t get me wrong, a lot of girls (and guys) do like a sprinkle of naughty in the nice mates they choose.   People don’t want ALL nice ALL the time (wink wink).

DISCLAIMER:  *WARNING* WARNING*:  I am not at all saying that nice guys (or girls) have it equally as easy or easier than bad boys (or girls).  There have been plenty of times when I've wondered WHY cool guys were dating horribly jerky girls.

What gets me about the “nice guy” myth is that “nice guys” (and girls) seem to believe that being nice is their only flaw.  Like,

"OooOOOooh, she would have been mine if I
wasn’t so friendly and caring!" 

Yeah, women (and men) totally hate friendly and caring... Be gone, evil beast!

I personally don’t see many people (who aren’t severely damaged) running far and fast from kindness and caring. 




Myth #1:  Nothing Else is Wrong With You
Maybe something like this is happening instead:

Sorry Nice Guys (and girls), but what may really be happening here is a severe lack of introspection and self-reflection.  Similar to how in job interviews there is always that one dork face who claims his only flaw is perfectionism. 

Yeah, bosses totally hate perfectionists. 

Maybe it is easier to think that the opposite sex isn’t that into you because you are SO overqualified instead of actually looking inside yourself and seeing if there is something to improve.

Myth #2: Being “Nice” and Being a Pushover is Basically the Same Thing 

Lacking a spine, or dating while constantly in fear that you’ll do something wrong to upset your date isn’t the same as being nice.

I’ve never hung out with a girl (pardon my anecdotal evidence)  who spent our coffee time complaining that a guy complimented her, opened her door, laughed at her jokes, or cared about her interests.

However, here is an example complaint I have heard before:

 

You can be a wonderfully kind a loving guy (or girl) and still have your own passions, beliefs, preferences, opinions, and choices.   Frankly, a lot of girls (and guys) think it is cool when you can hold your own in a healthy debate/discussion or introduce her to something she never thought she’d do before.

 To Be Continued...

We Hate Ms. Brant

Taken from my first blog, originally posted 6/11/2010
Yesterday I was trying to see how searchable my new webpages were, so I typed MsBrant into the search engine. The first page I saw was a "We Hate Ms. Brant" page on Facebook.

Especially with my kids, you prepare yourself and prepare yourself to take anything they throw at you... you constantly reinforce to yourself to not take things personally. I have had many wonderful moments in teaching, and yet, I have also been called names, been told I look fat, had a desk thrown at me, and been told by students that I am a terrible teacher. Still, at that moment,

my heart sank.

I was able to muster my courage and click on the link. I mean, why should I take a Facebook club seriously? Like ripping off a Band-aid, I entered the page and I studied the small, blurry, phone picture of... another Ms. Brant. I felt relieved, but not happy.

I wondered about this woman's story, how hard she tried, whether she loved her class as much as I grew to love mine, or if she drove to work each day, apathetic and counting the days to retirement. I wondered if she knew, if she saw the same ominous link I saw, and if she clicked on it.

I have to believe that no one gets in this career planning on being a bad teacher or a hated teacher (and yes, I am very aware that the level of one category is not necessarily proportional to the level of the other category).  Of course, I also believe that about the human condition; no one starts out planning on being bad or hated.  

 I am also known to be very naive, which I am ok with that because I would rather think the best of others and be proven wrong than to live my life thinking the worst of others.

Somewhere, written on notebooks long since thrown in the garbage, is a scribbled "I hate Ms. Brant" that is written about me... some long past Facebook statuses, I am sure, say the same, and the memories exist of the first half of my first year when my students would say all these things to my face. Luckily, we were strong and we worked past all the arguing and formed bonds. So, this website, today, was not for me.

I hope the other Ms. Brants out there are keeping their heads up, working through the bad days, seeing their students for all they can be, and working every day to be the teacher they started out hoping to be when teaching was just a dream.