Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Nice Guy Myths Part I: (Maybe it's You)

I’ve heard a lot from self-proclaimed “nice guys” about how their relationships don’t work BECAUSE they are nice guys.  They decided girls are self-loathing, evil people who only want guys who treat them like dirt.  
While these girls (and guys) do exist, it is my belief they are the minority. Though, don’t get me wrong, a lot of girls (and guys) do like a sprinkle of naughty in the nice mates they choose.   People don’t want ALL nice ALL the time (wink wink).

DISCLAIMER:  *WARNING* WARNING*:  I am not at all saying that nice guys (or girls) have it equally as easy or easier than bad boys (or girls).  There have been plenty of times when I've wondered WHY cool guys were dating horribly jerky girls.

What gets me about the “nice guy” myth is that “nice guys” (and girls) seem to believe that being nice is their only flaw.  Like,
"OooOOOooh, she would have been mine if I
wasn’t so friendly and caring!" 

Yeah, women (and men) totally hate friendly and caring... Be gone, evil beast!

I personally don’t see many people (who aren’t severely damaged) running far and fast from kindness and caring. 

Myth #1:  Nothing Else is Wrong With You
Maybe something like this is happening instead:

Sorry Nice Guys (and girls), but what may really be happening here is a severe lack of introspection and self-reflection.  Similar to how in job interviews there is always that one dork face who claims his only flaw is perfectionism. 
Yeah, bosses totally hate perfectionists. 

Maybe it is easier to think that the opposite sex isn’t that into you because you are SO overqualified instead of actually looking inside yourself and seeing if there is something to improve.

Myth #2: Being “Nice” and Being a Pushover is Basically the Same Thing 
Lacking a spine, or dating while constantly in fear that you’ll do something wrong to upset your date isn’t the same as being nice.

I’ve never hung out with a girl (pardon my anecdotal evidence)  who spent our coffee time complaining that a guy complimented her, opened her door, laughed at her jokes, or cared about her interests.

However, here is an example complaint I have heard before:

You can be a wonderfully kind a loving guy (or girl) and still have your own passions, beliefs, preferences, opinions, and choices.   Frankly, a lot of girls (and guys) think it is cool when you can hold your own in a healthy debate/discussion or introduce her to something she never thought she’d do before.

 To Be Continued...

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